Alice in Chains II: Heaven Beside You
by CodyRhodesFan
Summary: SEQUEL TO ALICE IN CHAINS. Jasper is thrown into a mess when Edward and Bella find the notebook and uses it for the school newspaper filled with rumors. Weird things are happening. Like Bella a wrestler? Rosalie a Goth? Oh joy. Jasper/Alice. DISCONTINUED.
1. Prologue

**Whoo whoo whoo! A sequel!**

**I hope it's as good as AIC. I don't know if it will be though. **

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**Alice in Chains II: Heaven Beside You**

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Prologue

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_Angela's chocolate brown eyes softened. "Thanks again, Bells."_

"_No problem, Angela," Bella took a notebook from Jasper's drawer and looked at it and it looked at the tattered and torn and ragged book as she grinned at her and gave Angela the notebook. "Why do you need it anyways?"_

"_I need to interview the Cullen's but I forgot my papers in my father's car so I needed to burrow this." Angel explained, taking the notebook from her, "I'll give this to you after I'm done."_

"_Nah, keep it. Alice says that Jazz doesn't even use half the stuff he is."_

"_That's men for you."_

"_Edward isn't like that."_

"_Remember, Edward's a guy."_

"_So? Oohh…"_

"_You get my point exactly."_

"_Let's just get out of here so I can get home soon. Charlie is gonna bite my head off if I'm late for home."_

"_Someone understands me."_

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"OH MY GOD! SOMEONE JUST KILL ME NOW! I THINK I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK!"

Alice stared straight at me as I looked through my drawers to find that stupid notebook of a nightmare that had gotten me in trouble and she stared at me. "At least you don't need me to pull your heart rate up anymore," she joked.

"Though I think I also woke up the other side of the world."

"Think you woke the other side of the world up?"

"Shut up, Allie and help me find the damn notebook so I can burn the damn thing back in Hell."

"I love you, too."

Alice walked out of the room for a while to help me look for it while I scrambled through drawers and dressers and under the bed (yes, I'm that brave to look under whatever was down on my bed…I think something moved) and I was now sitting down my bed, trying not to suffocate from the after scent of whatever was under my bed as Alice walked in with horrified eyes. "Jazz, I think we have a problem."

"Tell me something that's new."

She flashed me that dumb school newspaper that we always had. Editor in Chief was Angela. "What? The beauty column finally has some good tips?"

"Lovely tips actually."

"And your point is?"

"Look at the paper used for this!"

"Oh damn…oh damn…oh damn…oh damn…"

"I'm happy that we never had kids. Listening to your swearing problem."

I crossed my arms. "Can't I go all hysterical because whatever is written on that damn paper just becomes reality from what I've seen?"

"Oh man…"

"For once, the gossip is true."

"Jazz…you better get a look at what's written then."

"Just make sure you have Carlisle around in case I get a heart attack."

This was not going to be good…

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**A prologue for AIC II!**

**How is it until now??**

**;) Sam**


	2. Life Sucks, Seriously Sucks

**I'm sorry that it took me forever to update!**

**:) Well, here it is. The next chapter.**

**

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**Life Sucks. Seriously Sucks.

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God, just kill me now.

Stab the hell out of me and make me bleed right now.

First of all, let me watch the finale for Desperate Housewives.

Then you can kill me for all I care.

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_**The Hardys and Bella Swan: Blood Relation?**_

_Ben had concluded, after a night of watching a rerun of Smackdown, that the Hardyz (a team of Jeff and Matt Hardy) had shared characteristics with Bella Swan. Jeffery Nero Hardy had the innocence of Bella and she had the pale flesh of Matthew Moore Hardy. Her brown eyes were similar to a certain Matt Hardy and her hair glazed the same color as Jeff's, excluding those atrocious purple locks. Bella was like Jeff, she was fragile and hid behind Edward, most likely resembled Jeff Hardy but had some Matt characters in her because of her confidence. Ben's idiocy of the thought of the Hardys and Bella being related still amuses me._

_**Rosalie Hale: Secret Goth?**_

_She's bitter, very bitter…maybe underneath the exotic make up, sweet pink and lovable red clothing, there is darkness? Maybe, just maybe, there's something more to her than just giggles and scowling? Maybe…something darker than we can ever see? I had concluded that Rosalie Hale might secretly be a Goth, ladies and gentlemen. Shocking? I think not._

_**Edward Cullen: The Next Harry Potter?**_

_Ben, once again, with his amusing idiocy, had made a point by saying that Edward Cullen might be the next Harry Potter. I mean, he does look English, doesn't he? English Edward! It sounds right, doesn't it? Okay, when I wrote this paper, I needed an aspirin and had seen the Punisher 20 times that night because of Ben. Dating sucks._

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Alice's face went even more bone pale than possible.

"I won't believe this…"

I shook my head, taking a deep breath as I ran my hand through my hair. "I can't believe it at all…"

"I know."

"Ben likes the Punisher?"

"JASPER!"

"What?"

"Did you notice that those wrestling morons are involved with Bella now, Rosalie will become Goth because of this and I can't even think about what that Harry Potter rumor will do to Edward!"

"That, too!"

Alice sighed. "You're hopeless."

"I know."

I leaned down so that I could kiss her but she moved away from me and—_damn_. "Oh no, not that Edward Bella thing!"

"Jasper, you're human."

"But I have needs."

"Jasper…"

"I'm a man!"

"Edward's a man, too but he doesn't go around sleeping with Bella because he cares for her."

"Edward's a man?"

She laughed before she tucked a strand of her hair, holding onto my hand, as our hands entangled into each other and I leaned down to kiss her but she moved away.

"Seriously, no?"

"No."

We heard Emmett walk inside of the room with a horrifying look on his face. Carlisle strode beside him with the same wide eyed expression as Emmett.

"Jazz, Allie, we have a problem."

"What?"

"For once, Rosalie scares the hell out of Emmett," Carlisle gripped his hand on a frozen Emmett's shoulder. "And Edward thinks he can fly. Plus, he's wearing glasses and is carrying a wand."

"Oh no." Alice said, shaking her head.

I stared at her. "Yeah, he doesn't look good in glasses."

"Jasper!"

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Okay. As you can see, life sucked. Life seriously sucked.

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**Sorry for the long wait!**

**At least I updated. :)**

**X Sam.**


	3. Stupid Wand!

**So sorry for not updating! It hate writer's block. No killing meh!**

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Stupid Wand!

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Okay, I knew I was supposed to be like—Oh shit!

But I was laughing.

That was why Alice hit me, very hard on the head, and I winced. "And you were in the army?" she asked me.

"Yeah, pretty much."

I was now looking at Edward, who was wearing a robe—last year's color too, ladies! Not appropriate for this year—and holding around a wand, waving it in front of my face. "See, Eddie? I know that you're trying to make me more beautiful but in conclusion, it can never happen."

He mumbled something in magic talk.

"Sorry, I don't speak dumbass."

Alice hit the back of my head. "Ow! It's not funny anymore, Allie!"

She scowled at me.

"And you're the same beautiful pixie love I married?"

"It's marriage, Jazz."

I sighed and turned to Edward once more. "Can I ask you to take off a curse off me, buddy?"

"What curse?" he said in this weird sorcerer tone.

"I'm married."

"Ahh…bad luck, dude. Nothing magic can do about it."

Alice grabbed me and took me to see Rosalie because we knew that she was probably as scary as hell—even more than usual.

"I HAVE SORCEROR POWERS! I CAN LISTEN TO THOUGHTS!"

Would someone give him like—_Geeks Illustrated_ or something? Alice and I walked to see Rosalie and stopped in our tracks when we saw that some weird Goth girl was standing in our way. Her hair was completely black and so was her clothes, and damn, those boobs were fine.

"Alice—"

"No! I don't wanna die! Don't—"I started but Edward still continued.

"Jasper is thinking of Rosalie's boobs!"

"Whoa! HE KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE!"

Alice scowled at me.

"I wouldn't if you let me, just touch you for once…" I said, offering her a smile while Emmett stood behind me. "Dude, it's a compliment. I was complimenting my sister's boobs—can you make this quick and painless?"

"No," Emmett grinned and looked at her. "Boy, Rose, I didn't know you took that thing last night seriously."

Rosalie just stared at him, scowling, letting her black lipstick pop against her pale skin. "Darkness consumed me."

"Ouch," Emmett inquired. "Did it hurt?"

"There is so much pain in this darkened world."

"Aha," Emmett responded, blinking. "Do you like Gucci?"

"No."

Emmett's eyes widened. "MY ROSALIE! WHAT IN HELL'S NAME?!"

"Emmett…we know we're supernatural and all, but we still have ears!" Carlisle exclaimed.

"Go Carlisle!" I exclaimed, shaking my hips. "Don't hate me because my hips are beautiful."

"Someone is too full of himself…" Emmett said.

"Who?" I asked.

"His name is Jasper and his has blonde hair." Emmett told me, staring at me while I nodded to him.

"Aha… he sounds handsome."

Emmett scowled.

"There, the perfect couple, knucklehead and Goth girl!"

Alice smacked my head.

"And the perfect couple, 'Emmett pitched in, grinning. "Boxing pixie girl and conceited boy."

"Yes, we're perfect," I said, grabbing Alice and kissing her and of course, as always, she didn't deepen the kiss much but it was fine, I guess and now, as I pulled off, I heard another sound.

A sound of a body hitting the floor.

Don't worry. This wasn't gonna turn into a horror movie, ladies.

Jasper's too pretty to be telling a horror story.

"Stupid wand!"

"Thank you," I said, 'someone feels the way I feel."

We walked and saw that Bella was on the floor, her hair dyed into stripes of red and purple and my heart might've skipped. Her clothing was made of black and pink, atrocious pink by the way, the hot pink that those emo girls wore—and apparently, she fell out of a trampoline.

How'd she get a trampoline here?

Edward now had his arms wrapped around her. "I got my love the trampoline—now tell me, what's the sorcerer's secret?"

Bella smirked. "That I just tricked you into getting me a trampoline."

Okay. From what I know, The Hardys used to practice on a trampoline and now, Bella was an imitation of Jeff Hardy.

Cool.

What? It wasn't everyday you see a hot girl wearing sexy wrestler's clothing and trying to wrestle on a trampoline.

Oh shit!

Charlie!

Um…

She was like that when I got there.

I didn't do anything to her.

Understand?

That was my story. Edward didn't do anything to her. I didn't do anything to her. She was like that when I got there.

What?

Not gonna work?

What do you know?!

"Bella, let's clean that make up shit off your face, 'and she did have a lot of it on, eyeliner, nail polish, lip gloss.

"I got a tattoo!"

"Where?!"

Oh shit.

Let it be somewhere that no one can see if she wore a miniskirt. She lifted her shirt so I could see that she had a tattoo of a heart.

Oh shit.

"Hey, Bells-"

"What?"

Now, that was when I smelled it. Alcohol.

"Have you been drinking?!" Alice exclaimed in horror.

The only thing I could say was, 'got anymore of that?"

I dodged Alice before she could hit me and stuck my tongue out at her. Bella punched me in the gut.

"Damn, what are you?!"

"A wrestler. I'm going to be a wrestler!"

"I swear, Charlie, we tried to stop her, 'I tried to perfect my excuse to him. "But she held me down. Raped me."

"She raped you?!" Edward said.

"Yes, she punched me in the stomach and then raped me with that look on her face. I will have a baby and I will call him Jasper after myself but then again, he'll never look as good as me."

Alice glared at me.

I guessed that English Harry Potter Edward didn't get that this was just a joke and he started feeling up my stomach.

"I can't feel a heartbeat."

"It's a supernatural baby." I told him. "He only pushes when he hears a song."

Oh, and he sang. Edward sang.

"OH PLEASE! MY BABY DOESN'T DESERVE THIS TYPE OF TORTURE!" I ran off.

But I could still hear Edward say.

"What did I do?"

* * *

Tell me.

What did I do to deserve this?

"Well-"

Alice, not you!

Men, word of advice, don't marry women. They can read your minds without mind reading powers.

Oh, and note: STUPID WAND!

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**X33. Review?**

**X Sam.**


	4. Enter Charlie

**Thank Shaddin for the update. XD!**

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Enter Charlie

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This week was been awesome.

I wasn't joking.

Bella got another tattoo, my wife's on my back (not that it was anything new), my jeans were too tight so I looked like a gay guy, Edward was practicing his magic on me in the forest so I was now bruised and beaten but happy, I could hide it with my clothing and Carlisle was suspicious.

"Edward? Can you tell me why Jasper looks like he's thinking?" Rosalie asked, black lipstick popping against the pink flesh of her mouth.

"Jasper? Thinking?" Alice started then laughed her ass off, 'seriously, Rose, you kill me sometimes."

"We are all dead on the—"

That was when Edward started, 'shut up."

"Whoa, 'I stared at him, 'you actually said something useful for once."

"Alice, he was thinking about how much of an awesome week he's had and how much he'd been admiring Bella's new tattoo. He also commented on how much he loves being a gay guy."

"WHAT?!" Alice exploded.

I looked at Edward, 'I. Am. Seriously. Going. To. Kill. You."

"You can't kill me if you're dead." Edward pointed at Alice who was looking at me in that deadly look in her eyes.

I swear, it was so sexy.

God, I wanted to kiss her.

I did.

She slapped me.

"Kissing won't make me go easy on you! You used that trick in our honeymoon and it's not going to work now!" She exclaimed and I nodded my head at her before turning towards Bella who was in slutty slut clothes, not that I was complaining. Maybe the only thing that Bella had that Alice didn't was that her ass was rounder, Alice's boobs are bigger than Bella's though.

"He's comparing breast sizes now." Edward rolled his eyes.

"No privacy, I swear!" I exclaimed.

"Okay, we have a bigger problem-"Carlisle was about to start but Emmett had cut him off, sitting down on a couch.

"Bigger than Jasper's ego?"

"I'm afraid so, 'the male said, making me scowl at my so called father while he continued. "Apparently, Charlie can only leave Bella in our house for a week. She has to go back tonight. I suggested that we'd have dinner here so we have time…"

"To what?" I pointed at her new tattoo that extended all the way towards her arm, 'to try and hide that?"

"I know!" Edward suddenly shot up, 'why doesn't Alice dress up as Bella and Bella dress up as Alice?"

Alice scowled at Edward, 'that is the stupidest, most idiotic—"

"Let's do it!" I exclaimed, grabbing onto Bella's arm, and looking at it, 'hey, Allie, we get to makeover Bella now."

"I don't—!" before she could finish the sentence, Alice grinned, 'make over?"

She grabbed onto Bella's arm and dragged her to the other room while I grinned to myself. Smart work, Jazz. Smart work. I turned around to look at the clock and I realized that it was almost time for dinner so I went upstairs too, peeking quickly at Bella and Alice dressing up.

Wow!

Forget Alice.

I'm marrying Bella.

"I HEARD THAT!" Edward exclaimed.

"No, midget, do not say a word!" I shouted at him, walking over to him and silencing him (not the type of silencing killing epidemic, like I said no horror movies…practically because I can't watch horror movies… I MEAN THEY'RE FOR SISSIES.)

"What can you offer me?" he asked me when I pulled my hand away from his mouth.

"I know someone who knows Harry Potter."

"Oh, he's the bomb."

Who was he? 70's guy? Ahh…the 70's show… I should really pick up on that sometimes. Right after I finished Desperate Housewives…Season 6. I really couldn't believe Susan remarried Mike! Seriously!

__

Dinner was nice.

I got a good view of Bella's brea—I mean, the food was delicious. I didn't really eat since I complained of a stomach ache and the rest were away except for Bella, me, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, and why the fuck was I not saying the truth?! Edward, couldn't hear me so… I got a good view of Bella's breasts and her ass was wow-worthy.

Back to the story.

Anyways, Charlie didn't get what was going on.

Alice did an awesome job with makeover. Hell, I couldn't tell the difference. Me, the awesome Jasper, couldn't tell the difference.

Wait, why didn't we just let Alice coat Bella's body with some sort of make up to hide the—oh yeah, that didn't take care of the entire 'I wanna go wrestle and beat up Edward Cullen's ass'. By the way, ANYONE can beat up that sorry guy's ass.

"So…" Charlie tried to break the silence.

"I wanna be a wrestler!" Bella jumped out of the seat near me and walked off.

"Okay. Have fun." I said while Alice set me a glare and…did I tell you how good it felt to not be married?

"ALICE!"

She stopped and turned around. "Yeah?"

"Want to know a secret?"

She looked bored for a moment. "What have you got for me, Mr. Soap Operas?"

I thought for a moment before pulling her down towards her chair and leaning down towards her ear, '…I have a secret spy mission for you. You must listen clearly."

"You're an idiot—"

Just then, I was grabbing onto her shoulders and she stared at me, glaring deadly as she stood up and tore off the artificial hair, leaving her brown locks. "Sorry. I'm not playing this shit anymore. Hi, Dad, that's not Bella over there, that's Alice pretending to be me just 'cause I want to be a wrestler and I've got a tattoo and I'm not a virgin and see you, old man."

…

I am so screwed.

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**X Sam.**


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